Family Day....

Saturday, was my son's birthday. It was supposed to be "Family Day," but my three oldest and Ski went to a church thing all day. That's ok. It has been a few years since we had "Family Day."

Life turned out differently than I had planned.

Most people in my life now have no idea about the fact that if I chose my plan for my life instead of God, I would have four teens right now. It is very strange to think that so many people don't know about such a big turning point in my life. I don't mind talking about it at all. It just doesn't come up. It's funny. My mom was always freaked out by death because of some experiences she had as a young child. I never was. I went to many funerals growing up and I just looked at it as a part of life. I worked in a nursing home after college and I often did after death care and I stayed with people as they died. Many times, I did this alone, because the other girls were freaked out. So, I think I have kind of passed that all on to my kids. I have always been very open with them about death and find it so surprising when people want to hide this from their children. In fact, my openness about death really helped my then 4yo dd prepare for the death of her brother.

It had been a few years since I had been to the cemetery. Life goes on and you move on and things get busy. I don't think about it every day and there are times when it seems a long time passes without me thinking about it. We used to go on Memorial Day and July 4th and decorate the graves, but hadn't done that in a little bit. I would be over that way in town, but I always had a time schedule to keep up with. Not long ago, I did stop with 'Stelle on the way home from the French festival. After church this Sunday, we all stopped by. It is not so much sad being there to see our son's grave, but it is really sad to see all of the graves nearby. Almost all of them are children. Some have one date on their graves and others were only a few days old. And some were a year or less or a little more. And still...after all these years, we get a little misty eyed. I don't know why. I guess it is a heart thing.

It was funny...
As we were driving away from the cemetery, the kids said..."Hey, we could have called him A.J." I kind of laughed and said "Yeah. We had planned on that."

I hope that you all don't think this post is morbid. It just seems like a big milestone...would have been 13...that I just can't let it go by and not say anything. I am grateful for all that came from my dear son coming into my life. It's something that I don't expect anyone to understand. People look at me funny when I say that. Oh well....

Ski says...I agree. At 13 I start taking my teens out for coffee and "daddy dates". I enjoy trying to get in their heads and figure out what their dreams, wishes, goals etc. are. N, H and C really seem to enjoy it. I do too. (sigh) Some day I want to see if he's a grown-up in eternity or still little. Somehow I picture him grown and working on my mansion, or wherever God will have B and I (it wouldn't be heaven without hangin' with my sweet B) spend eternity. My heart longs to give him a big father/son hug. Some day....