Waiting for Dinner and Imperfect Servanthood

Ah....
Here it is. It is the first day of Lent and if you read my post last night and see this blog posting on FB, you're probably thinking about how weak I am. I'll tell you, It was a HUGE temptation to me a few minutes ago to get on facebook. Lug out the laptop and blast away. It's funny how non-thinking we become when, in a moment, we can tweet or post a status and get something off of our chest. It isn't always a good thing. In fact, it's often not a good thing. I will confess that when I write on my blog I never proofread. You get the uncut version and all of the missed grammatical errors to boot. That's because I find it best to just write what is on my mind and post....or else I'll hit delete. But believe me...there have been times when I've deleted entire posts. Because I thought twice and considered what you might read here. But usually, it's the uncut version that you see here. Let me assure you. I am not on facebook, but I'm allowing myself to blog. I don't blog daily, but I really didn't expect to blog so soon.

I am sitting here after calming my old heart down and waiting for my beloved husband to come save the day with dinner. And when he walks in the door, he's going to get the world's biggest hug and kiss.

Late last night, I requested that dinner be prepped this morning. It wasn't too complicated. However, for someone who has never made it before, I wasn't too clear either. When I cook, I am not too precise. So I wasn't too precise in describing how this should be put together. Big mistake!! My crockpot ended up with 5 pounds of potatoes cut up and placed in the bottom. As you may imagine, not much else could fit. I had mentioned that the crock might be a bit full, but was full of assurances that things would cook down.

I arrived home around 4pm to smells of dinner. Now, you need to know that due to a few extenuating circumstances, my allergies are flaring big time and I can't smell too well. So as the evening progressed, I didn't think much of the fact that dinner did not produce the usual wonderful wafting fragrance. So around 7pm, I entered the kitchen in order to serve the dinner I had been looking forward to all day. As I looked at my crock, I noticed that something was amiss. The layers I had expected were not there. Things were quite peculiar. I opened the lid and no steam arose from the pot. I stuck a fork into the meat and.... Ack!!! It was rubbery and uncooked! Of course, all the while, I am freaking out and exclaiming that I didn't know what to do. Do I toss it all? Keep cooking it? Oh the drama I create!!!

It was decided that Ski would head out to scrounge something for dinner. Who knows what. And that's where we sit at the moment.

As the thought to go gripe on Facebook taunted me, I began to consider the Lord and what He had for me to learn in this moment. And that was terribly convicting.

In my heart, I had been so angry and frustrated at the dinner maker. Why were they out to ruin my day? How could they have done this senseless thing? And in those moments, God reminded me of how they were only trying to serve and bless me. How many times have I griped and been ungrateful when others have served me? If you're a mom, I'm sure you can identify with me. Your kids wash the dishes and you find water all over the counters from the rinsing. They clean the bathroom, but seem capable of leaving what appears to you to be a giant interstate of grime in the toilet bowl. They fold the laundry and it isn't done "just so." Instead of thanks, they get instruction on how it could have been better. Yep....true confessions. It stings quite a bit!!

And then He began to show me how I, too, am a terribly imperfect servant. How many times have I served with ingratitude in my heart? I am a grumbler. I sometimes do things I don't like, but everyone knows I am not quite happy about doing them. And when I try to serve the Lord with my whole heart, it doesn't quite happen that way. I am so easily drawn into things that turn my heart towards selfish ends rather than God glorifying ends.

Christ gave us the perfect example of a servant. But we may simply argue that He was divine so it was simple for Him. I don't think it was simple. But scripture is full of examples of grateful and faithful servants. And there are these people who were raised from the dead and got up and SERVED. Crazy, huh? So if people who were so sick that they died and then came back to life stood up and cheerfully served, I think I can. I mean, I think I would have probably gone to my family and comforted them and told them everything was ok and I was alive again. But nope. They just got up and looked for things to do. All God wants from me is my heart. He isn't too concerned if I do it perfectly. He's concerned about my willingness and the fact that I jump in there and do it. And if He isn't concerned about perfection, then I suppose I should just shut up and say "Thank you" when someone works hard to make dinner....even if it isn't perfect. And even if we can't eat it for dinner.

So Dinner Maker....
(although I've already said this, it's here for you in public and all of it's glory!!) Thank you for working so hard in order to make dinner for me. Your intentions were the best. You longed to make sure there was plenty of food for dinner. Rest assured, there certainly is plenty of food! You're a huge blessing in my life and I deeply appreciate your desire to bless me. I'm so sorry it turned out the way it did. Please forgive me for complaining about it all.

And it's all plan A....a lesson for me to learn about how ungrateful I really am. Now to work on changing that. Fun!!

Let's eat!!

Amazement

On my way home from our weekly co-op today, I stopped by Aldi. While in the store, my daughter admired a cucumber. She hinted at my purchasing it. In years past, I would have jumped at the opportunity. I used to be a big fan of cucumbers. But recently, as my latex sensitivity has increased, my love for bananas and cucumbers has waned. I don't relish oral itching so I brushed off her interest and walked on past. Headed on down the aisle, I picked up a few other things. Another child with me suddenly asked, "Where's Lyd?" Turning, I noticed her still with the cucumbers. I rolled my eyes and proceeded onward. Moments later, she came running to me exclaiming....

"Mommy!!! I have enough money I can buy a cucumber!!!" She then proceeded to rant and rave and literally jumping for joy over said cucumber. I looked at her and smiled and said, "Dear...if you want it that much, I will buy it for you."

A lady nearby said to me, "I have NEVER seen a child get sooooo excited about vegetables!!" Obviously, she didn't know my kids. They're kind of crackers!!

I told you this little story because as I sit here thinking of the events of my day, I feel the same incredible enthusiasm over my own children as my daughter felt over this silly cucumber. Especially as I watch my three oldest teens navigate the challenges of young adulthood. Life is hard. It is fraught with many twists and turns. There are great things. There are things that seem.....not so great. There are easy days. And there are not so easy days. It can easily become overwhelming to a young adult. And as I watch my three walk there way through these days, I am both amazed and excited about what God is doing!!

I think the biggest thing we have tried to impart to our kids is how to walk in faith. It is so hard when they are faced with a multitude of voices.....many of them good intentioned, but often not loving nor encouraging. Listening to the voice of God while He is teaching you lessons of the heart is difficult enough without the never ending distractions. I've watched my children learn that while there is wisdom in many counselors, seeking input from many who don't know your life is not always wise. I've also seen them learn great patience while many around them criticize the path God has led them on. And I've seen them willingly sacrifice repeatedly material riches for gaining deeper riches from God. Oh, the tears we have shared together. Oh the frustration we have known. And OH!!! The amazing growth that has happened!!!

And I have seen them learn that God's plan is better than our own, God doesn't make mistakes, God meets us where we are, and what I do today is of crucial importance in the eyes of God. I have seen them exude joy and take on challenges that I didn't expect. And to seize the possibilities and opportunities that God has given them moment by moment.

I told someone not long ago how difficult this time was and how I wished for diapers and chasing toddlers instead. But I think I have changed my mind. And no....it has nothing to do with all of the naughty things my kids have confessed doing all of those years ago. ;) I have truly loved learning how wonderful these three people are who live in my house. Despite the sometimes seemingly never-ending parade of heartache, troubles, discouraged hearts, and fear, there has also followed a sweet friendship and a love returned that builds me up and encourages me.

Just as I am not despairing over their lives, God is not wringing his hands over their lives. I am encouraged and find more faith for my own life as we walk through these days together. I hold these days in my hands and am truly amazed!!

And I think God does, too!