When I Wasn't Looking

When I wasn't looking for it, God blessed me with the dearest friend I could ever ask for and so much more!!

When I was growing up, I moved around alot. I hated going to new places. I always felt like an outsider. While I now have some fond memories of places that I used to live, I had terrible time making friends. I always wished for a sister when I was younger because I thought that would give me a sure fire friend. It still makes me sad to hear people talk about their sisters. It is also a motivation that I had to have at least two girls and two boys -- so everyone could have a brother and a sister. As the years went by, I floated in and out of relationships with females. Nothing ever clicked and to this day, I have a great difficulty with female relationships. In college, my favorite friends were guys. No, I wasn't THAT girl. I didn't flirt with them or whatever. I just liked talking to them. They seemed to be more real than the girls that I knew.

One guy and I struck up a friendship over music. We would trade things back and forth to listen to. We all had the same friends because our school was small. Everyone knew everyone else. So we would hang out all the time. Often we were in the computer lab in the library late at night with about 20 other people. You would get locked in and could stay as long as you wanted. I was always down there working on Lit papers. Uggh!! One time, he asked me to go to a concert with him and I was ecstatic. Three of us, him, his girlfriend and I, drove several hours to see a great group perform in Trenton, NJ. On another occasion, we went to an album signing together and his car broke down. We were supposed to meet back at school with friends to see another concert, but they left before we returned. He borrowed a car and we drove down together to the concert. We talked the whole time -- just as friends.

Towards the end of that year the dreaded finals approached. As luck would have it, I was not feeling well. My friend came and studied with me in my room while all my friends went to late night breakfast. He would read my dark and sad poetry and not even bat an eye. He would patiently wait for me to say things -- back then it took me forever to say ANYTHING. As luck would have it, this sweet guy told me that he had more than friendly feelings towards me. I told him thanks, but no thanks. Friends was fine with me. But this guy was persistent. Over the summer, he wrote lovely letters that made me laugh and even took me to a concert. He told me all kinds of things and shared poetry with me that he had written. He sent me a birthday gift. I was scared to death.

When I returned to school, he was there again. And one day, he didn't come by. He gave up on me. It was then that I realized that he had indeed won my heart. So I knocked on Ski's dorm door and the rest is history.

I tend to be different at times and most people I know roll their eyes or think I am over the top. My friends would always call me crazy or weird. But Ski has never, ever said that -- except when he would write notes to me on the college center board. He would get angry when my friends said I was wierd. Ski saw something else. I am not sure what, but he seemed to like it.

After 22 years of being friends, I can say that I am the happiest, luckiest, and most blessed woman alive. I am married to my very best friend in the entire world. He makes me laugh and smile. I can tell him anything and he always listens to me. I would be so different without him. When I am with him, I am never afraid to be myself. I act nutty, I laugh, I cry, I talk late into the night, I dance in fields and parking lots, I walk in the rain, and I am silly. I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to spend last week walking on the beach several times a day with my very best friend. We would look for shells, shark teeth, and glass, dodge waves, watch our crazy kids chasing the gulls, and just talk. It was a glorious way to spend the end of our 17th married year together. Ski loves the color orange and it is so appropriate for him because he is like a fireball of sunshine that has lightened the dark crevices of my melancholy heart.

Ski, after 18 years, my heart still skips a beat when I see you and I miss you every moment that you are apart from me. I can't wait to tell you all the mundane things in my head. I love to sit and drink coffee with you and I love to hold your hand.
I am so glad that I have you in my life and I am so glad that God looked for the perfect friend and husband just for me. You are the man of my dreams!!!

Happy 18 years!!!