The Kind of Mom I Am

With the high school graduation of my oldest child just around the corner, I find myself thinking about the past 18 yrs and where they have gone. I clearly recall the feelings of being unprepared for motherhood...and I don't think those thoughts have ever left me. And here, I thought it was part of the nausea. :D I often think I must have given my children a peculiar view of motherhood.

As Ski would say, I live with disorganized organization. In general, I am NOT organized. Most people say "Six kids!! You must be super organized." That's funny. No...I am not organized. I can organize some things...but it doesn't last because my maddening hoard descends and soon chaos has ensued once again. After 18 years, I've come to realize, I will never be as organized as everyone thinks I should be.

As a homeschooling mom, people also assume I am the best teacher in the world. Ummm....probably not. I know so many women who were former educators who are incredibly creative and productive. Me? Well, there is a reason I didn't finish the education part of my degree. It's a struggle for me...most days.

If you asked my children which parent was more strict...well, I'm sure they would all point at me. They'd most likely say my favorite word was "no." Yeah....I'm no fun. Six kids = noise. It's almost constant and I never knew how much I loved quiet until they came to live in my house. I often feel like the Grinch, holding my hands to my ears exclaiming, "Noise, noise, noise..." So much of my denial comes from my deep desire for peace and quiet.

But there comes a time when I thrive on having fun and want to just have fun with my children. I don't know if it is a fear of having lived life and regretting that. Or perhaps my parental role just feels a little stifling now and then. Regardless, my deepest hope is that my kids remember this side of me more than the other.

The mom who:
- gets "coffee drunk" and howls at the moon
- dances in a field when she thinks no one is watching
- rolls down a grassy hill and then begs her kids to
- giggles with delight as we watch the crabs run along the beach in the moonlight
- talks in funny accents....in public
- eats jello with her fingers (or rather is fed jello) because we don't have spoons
- ties her licorice in a big long string and then eats it
- has an impromptu photo shoot because everyone just HAPPENED to dress alike
- sings at the top of her lungs to crazy music
- has long,deep conversations with you in the car and grocery store and suddenly says "How did we get on this subject?!?!?!"
- celebrates obscure holidays....just for fun
- thinks Dickens is hysterical even though no one agrees with her
- cries at opera, songs about growing up, and stupid commercials
- would let you dye your hair any color because she thinks it's cool
- grosses you out with all of her medical talk

Because my favorite times haven't been the boring every day "official" mom stuff, but all of the times when I've just been myself. Because that's the kind of mom I am!!!