For those who do not know, Iz has been eating wheat since before Thanksgiving. This is a major step for all of us. He has been doing well for the most part. That has taken me by surprise. Adding wheat to his diet has opened up a whole new world to me in cooking. But with it comes new responsibilities. First and foremost, I now must make bread for him weekly. This is because I have not been able to find any safe store bought bread for him other than the gluten free bread that he has been eating up until now.
Today, I noticed that the bread needed to be made once again. I am not good at making bread. In fact, I kind of stink at it. No, I don't stink at it....I am a LOUSY bread maker!!! I have tried about five recipes and each one disappointed me. Last time, however, I had a success. So today when I noticed I needed to make some bread, I was a little less apprehensive than usual. Everything was going well. I normally use my Kitchen Aid and this has helped me tremendously. When my bread was in the kneading stage and whirling about in my mixer, the bowl suddenly tilted sideways and flew out from under my mixer. This was NOT supposed to happen!! So, I unlocked my mixer, raised the head, fixed the bowl in place once again and made another attempt. Once again, my bowl flew out from under the machine. Realizing that the mixer was not my friend today, I took my dough and went off to the table to knead. It is amazing how easy it is to knead when you are angry.
For the rest of the evening, I found myself wallowing in unhappiness. While quickly borrowing a friends' bowl showed that all I needed was a new bowl, this still did not make me happy. I have Christmas money that would cover the cost of the bowl. But that makes me even more unhappy since I had plans for that money. I am so angry because I am so discontent with the situation I find myself in.
It is funny how one little incident just sends ripples of discontentment through my heart. I start mulling and thinking about all the things I see that are wearing out, or my children have mistreated, and that leads to personal responsibilities I have that are calling me from outside of my home and the pressure I feel from them. I find myself regretting things that I shouldn't. I find myself getting angry at people who lack care and sense of responsibility. I find myself saying things I shouldn't. I think about the teapot I bought for my birthday and used only once before a careless child broke it....and how it is still not replaced. Sigh.... And what is more shameful is that the teapot incident occurred YEARS ago.
What I would normally do is every time I look at that stupid useless bowl that needs replacing, I would once again take the dive into discontentment. But I think this will be my goal...
When I see my bowl, or paper towel holder, or the things that remind me of my discontentment, I am going to try my hardest to think on the ways in which God has blessed me. And as I make my bread by hand until I finally get that new bowl, I will try my hardest to be thankful and think on how good God is and how faithful He is to me even when I am so unfaithful to Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment