I don't wear a watch. I have a good excuse. Really I do. But because I've had a metal allergy for most of my life, I've lived my entire life almost without clocks. I don't wake up early. First....I am a nightowl. In addition, I think 2 yrs of 2nd shift work and perhaps that week in college when I didn't sleep at all have done a serious number on my Circadian rhythms. I'm working on that!! Honestly, I am. One of my Christmas presents is supposed to help me with that. I just need to give it time and I haven't started on it yet.
Thirdly, I am blessed to have an incredible husband who writes EVERYTHING down. A friend affectionately called him "Calendar Man." I seriously think I drive him crazy with my impromptu life. But I must confess that he is my stability...which (shhhhh don't tell) I honestly do need. BUT and this is a HUGE but....it doesn't work if I don't tell him. And that's what happened this morning.
I completely missed a drs appointment. I remembered it last week. And when I woke an hour after I was supposed to be there, I remembered it this morning. And this is going to cost me. Not just in time...but money. And I have a hard time with that. When I go shopping for groceries on a Tuesday, I try to never look at the new ads which come out on Wednesday. Why? Because I will chastise myself no end for buying something at a price of no more than 1¢ different. Yes...I have a real problem. So to discover because of my own fault that I will be costing myself a good sized chunk of change just for missing an appointment was hard for me to handle. I cried. And all day I've been thinking about it.
And then I sat down to read my email.....
Not one, but two emails regarding "suspicious" activity in the area. Oh boy. And with the news these days. There are so many desperate people.
So when my doorbell rang...I didn't answer.
And when it rang again....I didn't move.
But my husband come downstairs and opened the door. My curiosity led me to the hall....and then down the hall....and pretty soon I was moved to action. More on that later....
In those moments, God convicted me of how my entire morning was part of His plan and how I was walking not by faith, but by my own self.
I hear so many stories these days of how this or that group of people is out to get me. What will happen if this person is elected or if this country fails or if this doesn't happen. Trust no one. Believe no one. You've seen it. You know what I'm talking about. And I wonder....where is Faith in all of this? Doesn't the bible tell us that God controls the leaders of governments? Ok...there is prudence in using tools that we have to make choices. There is prudence in preparing and planning. But what if your plan fails? Men, governments and this world WILL fail you. Your spouse will fail you. Your boss will fail you. Your kids or your parents will fail you. Your bank account or your savings will fail you. Your health will fail you. This is why God tells us to put our hopes in Him. Because He will never fail you. Plan as you hard as you can and the unexpected will still happen!! What then? I'd challenge you to think hard about that. When the unexpected happened to you last, and you felt sorrowful or hurt or angry why was it?
For me...when I completely forgot about the appointment I had last night and God brought it immediately to my mind the moment I opened my eyes, my first thought was about money. Where is my faith? I've known for a long time that it often lies in my finances. It has been a long fought battle and while I've made strides, these tiny events in my life are glaring reminders that the trust still oftentimes lies there. I am as tight as they come. My mother who was raised in the Depression and saves everything and rarely spends superfluously told me I was tighter than she was when we were out shopping. She urges me to spend money because she knows I do not. It is not an admirable quality in my life because it is borne out of fear because I often place my trust in financial stability.
And then there's those emails. I don't fall victim to fear mongering often, but I've thought recently about the renewed copper thefts and how, "Boy....that would be pricey to repair!! We don't have the money for that." I spent a restless night not long ago praying and laying that all in God's hands. But these emails this morning....it was closer to home than the news I'd heard before. And once again...it was all about money. So when I didn't answer my door, I was trusting once again in financial stability.
But here's what I would have missed!!! An opportunity!!!
We have neighbors across the way who are the sweetest Christian couple. We've talked often. They are wonderful people!! I am not sure if their grown kids know the Lord or not. The husband's 20-something daughter lives with them and was heading off to work. But she couldn't start her car. Her dad's a truck driver and he was on a trip, but his car was down the road....a loooooong walk. She only wanted a ride to the store to pick up his car. On the way, I learned she works two jobs. She graduated with a degree in marketing and couldn't find work for a long time. She works for an insurance company and a clothing retailer. She said her friends have had a hard time finding work, too. She really likes her jobs and I am so glad I had the chance to talk with her and serve her. She wanted to pay me when she gets home tonight. I told her no and I insisted. Besides, I said....we run off to the store often and it wasn't a big deal for me to do it. But I am sure it was a HUGE deal to her. It is hard to keep a job now when there are so many people looking. I'm sure being late to work was weighing heavy on her mind.
So...I thought I'd write this post. Because I was thinking on the way home about a few things.
When I place my trust something other than God, it does a few things, I think.
It distracts me from what He wants me to do. If I obsess on my fears, I can tend to be focusing so hard on them, I neglect the things around me that God has for me to do. I can be thinking about stuff I want to get done and miss what God has for me to do.
It causes me to be self focused. Instead of thinking about how God may have protected me this morning from a costly accident or how there might have been some other purpose He had for me to forget my appointment, I wallowed in self pity. I thought about how much I had screwed up.
It makes God small. God is not small. And if you want to argue that point, go read Job.
We can waste so much life focusing on the wrong things and overlooking the real life, service and joy that God has for us in between. Christianity is laying down our lives for others as Christ gave us the example to do. It isn't hiding in my house. It isn't being afraid to speak. It isn't putting my trust in the wrong place. It isn't thinking that if I do x and y all my plans will work out the way I want. All of this reminded me of David Wilkerson and Elizabeth Elliot who stepped out in faith into situations that were dangerous because they knew God called them. And they stayed because of a genuine love they had for the lost. Anyone can do good -- Christian or not. But the good that we do comes from the abundance that is in our heart. Not to get. Not to look good. Not to be honored. It is the good that speaks to those in need who long for love and acceptance when the world and the people around them have failed them. Whether I preach the Gospel to you in words or not, my actions should speak to you more loudly.
I'd like to end with this wonderful quote from Nicky Cruz that inspires me to be more Christlike not simply in what I say, but what I do. For those who don't know, Nicky was a leader of the Mau Mau gang in Brooklyn who was converted through David Wilkerson in 1958
Two precious things that fascinate me about Christ: That he had active eyes, and always was there, looking at the needs of the people.
May my actions reflect the truth of scripture to the fallen world around me!!!
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