Tears

I can tell that God is working on my prideful heart.
There is so much going on in my life that it cannot be mistaken.
I mean, it just is kind of ironic that he would be able to minister to my heart while at the same time, tear a bit at that old pride.

God meets me in all kinds of ways. I am not going to get into all of them. But you all would probably laugh at some of them. Spinning at times has to do with that -- which is why I have such an affinity for it. And of course, there are those times that most people experience. Times in worship. I must say that some (only some) of the most meaningful and deep times of worship have been what Ski and I jokingly call the "ministry of tears." This happened most often during the 10 months that Ski was unemployed. Many times during worship, I found myself unable to sing and overwhelmed by tears. These were not over emotional and stirred up tears. If you have never experienced it, it is not the most simple thing to explain. It seems to me, it is one's own heart unburdening its care and concern before the Lord. The end result was mysteriously not sadness, but a peculiar sort of refreshment and if not joy, peace.

As I said, there is a bit of turmoil in my present circumstance. I have been growing weary in some of it. I am struggling more because, to be perfectly honest, I am unhappy in the place where I find God has placed me. Funny, I seem to think I could make some better choices. So, how fitting is it that God would bring that good ole "ministry of tears" thing at what I felt was the most inopportune time -- while I was in front of the entire church. Blech!! I seriously felt that I should somehow excuse myself because I must certainly be a distraction. I don't think the most joyful noise was coming from my mouth, either. But, I came to my senses and thought...."now seriously, who besides your kids is REALLY looking at you?!?!" (Yes, it is true. My kids tell me all the time...."I saw you_____") So I endured and wept and tried my best to sing and tried not to think at all about all of those people down there....and God ministered to my weary heart through every tear. Isn't He good to reach us no matter where we are?!?!

Just don't tell me you saw them ;)