Garden Keeper
I grieve...
For all the times I have lied.
Did you wonder if I would ever change?
Did you fret about the snakes and bugs
That lurked when you weren't there?
I wonder...
How much did you really know?
Was the battle for my soul
More clear to you than I could see?
Or was it merely revelation in the passage of time?
It seems...
My life was like my sorry patch of beans.
It did not seem weedy and overgrown.
Till I peeked underneath the shady leaves
And discovered pests and tendrils dwelling there.
Tender...
Although it didn't seem to be
When you poked the leaves and shoots
Revealing disease and parts the insects chewed away
And yearning I would find the sun and rain.
Thank you.
For I know you must have prayed
Weeping...praying...never ending
And I know...you have never given up
Never ceased to love me so well and I...so undeserving.
-rag
*******THIS WORK IS PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR AND NO REPRODUCTION IS PERMITTED WITHOUT EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM AUTHOR. ALL OTHER USE CONSTITUTES THEFT ********
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Do Everything.....for Hannah
Today was a busy day for me. There's a store I like to visit and it is a good distance away. The last few times I went, I took family members with me. But this time...I was alone. Alone time gives me time to think, time to listen to music, and time to pray. Since my ipod is never charged, the music part of it usually ends up being listening to the radio.
Today, a particular song hit me and I am sharing it here for my dear daughter, Hannah. Sorry, girl....I know it isn't either of our styles...in fact, I know we're both slightly cringing inside. It's the words, you know....just listen to those and forget the style and who's singing it. ;)
I know that right now, the things before you seem mundane and challenging. But....God can and does do AMAZING things....even in the mundane. No job He has given you is less important than what He has given to others. God has big plans for you...even in the everyday. He will reward you in your faithfulness and in your joy in what you have to do today.
Today, a particular song hit me and I am sharing it here for my dear daughter, Hannah. Sorry, girl....I know it isn't either of our styles...in fact, I know we're both slightly cringing inside. It's the words, you know....just listen to those and forget the style and who's singing it. ;)
I know that right now, the things before you seem mundane and challenging. But....God can and does do AMAZING things....even in the mundane. No job He has given you is less important than what He has given to others. God has big plans for you...even in the everyday. He will reward you in your faithfulness and in your joy in what you have to do today.
So....go out and do it to His glory!!!!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
My Name Ain't Mary
(Oh....how my English profs would hate to see that.
That's what they get for making me read "Ulysses.")
My mother grew up on a farm....well, actually many farms. Her father was a tenant farmer during the depression. My grandmother was an amazing woman. We share a number of things in common. For one, even though she was a farm wife, my grandfather said that she did her best sleeping in the morning. Haha.... My father and husband know very well that the women descended from her also do their best sleeping in the morning. They've tried to wake us up!!! Another thing he always said about her was that she could stretch dollar farther than anyone else he knew. I think I fall short in this area, but I try hard. She was an amazing cook. Boy, did she have a gift!! Ask anyone who ate at her table and I am sure they would agree. But one thing I am SURE I did not inherit was her ability to grow things. She grew the biggest flowers I have ever seen in my life. I loved to go out and look at her garden and marvel at those flowers.
My first attempt at plants was at the knee of my other grandmother...aptly named Flora. She grew large and beautiful peony plants. Bushels of bluebells and daffodils...which she encouraged us to pick to deliver to our ever grateful teachers. And almost without fail, she sent me home with an African violet.
This grandmother lived in a house that was built before the American Revolution. It was gorgeous!! The windows were incredibly deep. And in the windows, among the sparkling cranberry, milk, and carnival glass, were nestled delicate and flowering violets. When she felt I was old enough, she told me how to care for these plants. She told me how to water only from the base. She taught me how to root a leaf. I listened and went home with high expectations. But almost without fail, when she asked me how my plant was doing, I'd hang my head in shame, refusing to meet her eyes as I had to admit that it had died.
At least my uncle must have learned a thing or two from her. He grew baskets full of all kinds of veggies in a seemingly tiny plot of land. Every year, he grew giant ears of corn, beets, tomatoes, beans, kholorabi, and more!! He was always giving things away from his garden.
Convinced that I had not acquired a green thumb from either of my gardening grandmothers, I asked my mother for a cactus. I was sure I would succeed. But once again...it died. Yes, folks....I have killed a cactus. So ended my foray into plants.
When we bought our first home, vines grew. Trees grew...and fell. Grass grew. And....while the yard was too shady for a garden, I tried to grow a thing or two. I think I grew five beans in total. Even back then, it wasn't enough for our family. I planted some black eyed susans not long before we moved. I'm not sure if they ever grew back. However, I did plant some zinnias in the front yard. Ah....I figured out that Lilliput meant small. You's think someone who has a BA in literature would know that. Even though I was disappointed in their size, they seeded and came back the next year!! I also planted Sweet William by the walk. It amazed me by appearing for three years in a row!
The first thing I planted here was probably cilantro. I don't know why. We're not big fans. But the caterpillars that found it munched happily on it and turned into pretty butterflies. I planted a rosemary in its place. Unfortunately, I didn't realize how big they can grow. It is still alive and growing, but I keep it trimmed very small.
I dug out an overgrown bush that I didn't like I plopped down Black eyed susan again. They seemed to work before. I put more by the mailbox. A few years later, my mother in law planted a clematis. Halfway through it's first summer, it took a turn for the worse and I thought it had died. I just left it there hoping...maybe....and then I discovered that the new growth grows on the dead growth. Lots of patience and it has grown!!! I am always so pleased every spring to find huge purple bud on my plant.
Two springs ago, I decided I wanted something pretty outside my dining room window. A bush I tried to plant, finally died -- a victim of teenage boys and balls. I needed a tall plant so I chose purple cone flowers. I didn't have tons of money so I planted some seeds. When they were a good size, I transferred them to my pathetic little plot. About this time, a neighbor gave me a few cannas. I planted them all along my window. To my amazement, they have flourished there enjoying the full sun. Now, I can open my curtains and watch the bees and butterflies come and visit my flowers.
Finally,for the past few years, I have had a vegetable garden. I use a large plot of raised bed because the soil is yucky here. I also use containers to enlarge my garden. It is modest. Nothing like my uncle's. I definitely don't have his talents and gifts. But things are growing!! I walk out there twice a day and I am never disappointed. I always am finding something new. New growth. New flowers. I've bought some plants. Others, I planted from seed. I am utterly amazed that from a tiny seed, a plant with twisting vines and fruit emerges. And I've learned which sprouts are my plants and which ones are weeds. I don't care all that much how much it produces. It is just fun to watch it all grow.
I don't think I will ever be a master gardener....or even an accomplished one. But I am proof that even if you don't think you're capable of growing things, that just maybe you can. And in case you were wondering, the first two pictures aren't mine, but the rest is. I will never be Mary who, for the life of me, I cannot understand why she is so contrary. And if it weren't for the bugs, I might just become addicted to growing things.
I think my grandmothers would be pleased!!
That's what they get for making me read "Ulysses.")
My mother grew up on a farm....well, actually many farms. Her father was a tenant farmer during the depression. My grandmother was an amazing woman. We share a number of things in common. For one, even though she was a farm wife, my grandfather said that she did her best sleeping in the morning. Haha.... My father and husband know very well that the women descended from her also do their best sleeping in the morning. They've tried to wake us up!!! Another thing he always said about her was that she could stretch dollar farther than anyone else he knew. I think I fall short in this area, but I try hard. She was an amazing cook. Boy, did she have a gift!! Ask anyone who ate at her table and I am sure they would agree. But one thing I am SURE I did not inherit was her ability to grow things. She grew the biggest flowers I have ever seen in my life. I loved to go out and look at her garden and marvel at those flowers.
My first attempt at plants was at the knee of my other grandmother...aptly named Flora. She grew large and beautiful peony plants. Bushels of bluebells and daffodils...which she encouraged us to pick to deliver to our ever grateful teachers. And almost without fail, she sent me home with an African violet.
At least my uncle must have learned a thing or two from her. He grew baskets full of all kinds of veggies in a seemingly tiny plot of land. Every year, he grew giant ears of corn, beets, tomatoes, beans, kholorabi, and more!! He was always giving things away from his garden.
Convinced that I had not acquired a green thumb from either of my gardening grandmothers, I asked my mother for a cactus. I was sure I would succeed. But once again...it died. Yes, folks....I have killed a cactus. So ended my foray into plants.
When we bought our first home, vines grew. Trees grew...and fell. Grass grew. And....while the yard was too shady for a garden, I tried to grow a thing or two. I think I grew five beans in total. Even back then, it wasn't enough for our family. I planted some black eyed susans not long before we moved. I'm not sure if they ever grew back. However, I did plant some zinnias in the front yard. Ah....I figured out that Lilliput meant small. You's think someone who has a BA in literature would know that. Even though I was disappointed in their size, they seeded and came back the next year!! I also planted Sweet William by the walk. It amazed me by appearing for three years in a row!
The first thing I planted here was probably cilantro. I don't know why. We're not big fans. But the caterpillars that found it munched happily on it and turned into pretty butterflies. I planted a rosemary in its place. Unfortunately, I didn't realize how big they can grow. It is still alive and growing, but I keep it trimmed very small.
I dug out an overgrown bush that I didn't like I plopped down Black eyed susan again. They seemed to work before. I put more by the mailbox. A few years later, my mother in law planted a clematis. Halfway through it's first summer, it took a turn for the worse and I thought it had died. I just left it there hoping...maybe....and then I discovered that the new growth grows on the dead growth. Lots of patience and it has grown!!! I am always so pleased every spring to find huge purple bud on my plant.
Finally,for the past few years, I have had a vegetable garden. I use a large plot of raised bed because the soil is yucky here. I also use containers to enlarge my garden. It is modest. Nothing like my uncle's. I definitely don't have his talents and gifts. But things are growing!! I walk out there twice a day and I am never disappointed. I always am finding something new. New growth. New flowers. I've bought some plants. Others, I planted from seed. I am utterly amazed that from a tiny seed, a plant with twisting vines and fruit emerges. And I've learned which sprouts are my plants and which ones are weeds. I don't care all that much how much it produces. It is just fun to watch it all grow.
I don't think I will ever be a master gardener....or even an accomplished one. But I am proof that even if you don't think you're capable of growing things, that just maybe you can. And in case you were wondering, the first two pictures aren't mine, but the rest is. I will never be Mary who, for the life of me, I cannot understand why she is so contrary. And if it weren't for the bugs, I might just become addicted to growing things.
I think my grandmothers would be pleased!!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Natty and the Japanese Dinner
We had a meeting tonight and I haven't had a moment to breathe let alone get grocery shopping done. We have nothing quick in the house for all 8 of us. Christelle was staying home with the younger three so they had some food to fix. So Ski, Natty, Hannah and I grabbed dinner out.
We stopped at a favorite date night haunt. It is a Japanese place. Hannah and Natty both decided to try the sushi. Natty tried to decide between two and I encouraged him to try the non-spicy roll and maybe try a spicy one another time. When the girl brought the order, he got a little excited. He asked the girl if she was Japanese. He's been learning Japanese on his own and wants to try it out on someone. Turns out both girls are Laotian and no on in the place is actually Japanese. He was a little disappointed. But later, he took to attempting to read the plates.
Just after we started eating, Natty picked up the blob of wasabi that was sitting on his rolls and popped it in his mouth. David was about to say something, but it all happened to fast. When I looked up, Nathaniel was making all kinds of funny faces.
I said, "Eat some rice!"
Being Nathaniel and somewhat deliberate, he poked around the rice with his chopsticks.
I said, "Grab a fork!!!" As he is ripping the silverware package open, I realized he wasn't opening his mouth.
I said, "Did you swallow it?"
He shook his head.
"Well then SPIT IT OUT!!!!"
Apparently, he was going to just eat it and swallow it so as not to disgust the rest of us by spitting it out.
Finally he had got it out and ate some rice and took a drink. It was seriously a repeat of his Chemistry class when he got a chemical burn and wondered what he should do.....while his hand BURNED!!! At least he keeps us in stitches.
Next time, I think he can try the spicy roll. It can't be worse than a mouthful of wasabi!!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The Kind of Mom I Am
With the high school graduation of my oldest child just around the corner, I find myself thinking about the past 18 yrs and where they have gone. I clearly recall the feelings of being unprepared for motherhood...and I don't think those thoughts have ever left me. And here, I thought it was part of the nausea. :D I often think I must have given my children a peculiar view of motherhood.
As Ski would say, I live with disorganized organization. In general, I am NOT organized. Most people say "Six kids!! You must be super organized." That's funny. No...I am not organized. I can organize some things...but it doesn't last because my maddening hoard descends and soon chaos has ensued once again. After 18 years, I've come to realize, I will never be as organized as everyone thinks I should be.
As a homeschooling mom, people also assume I am the best teacher in the world. Ummm....probably not. I know so many women who were former educators who are incredibly creative and productive. Me? Well, there is a reason I didn't finish the education part of my degree. It's a struggle for me...most days.
If you asked my children which parent was more strict...well, I'm sure they would all point at me. They'd most likely say my favorite word was "no." Yeah....I'm no fun. Six kids = noise. It's almost constant and I never knew how much I loved quiet until they came to live in my house. I often feel like the Grinch, holding my hands to my ears exclaiming, "Noise, noise, noise..." So much of my denial comes from my deep desire for peace and quiet.
But there comes a time when I thrive on having fun and want to just have fun with my children. I don't know if it is a fear of having lived life and regretting that. Or perhaps my parental role just feels a little stifling now and then. Regardless, my deepest hope is that my kids remember this side of me more than the other.
The mom who:
- gets "coffee drunk" and howls at the moon
- dances in a field when she thinks no one is watching
- rolls down a grassy hill and then begs her kids to
- giggles with delight as we watch the crabs run along the beach in the moonlight
- talks in funny accents....in public
- eats jello with her fingers (or rather is fed jello) because we don't have spoons
- ties her licorice in a big long string and then eats it
- has an impromptu photo shoot because everyone just HAPPENED to dress alike
- sings at the top of her lungs to crazy music
- has long,deep conversations with you in the car and grocery store and suddenly says "How did we get on this subject?!?!?!"
- celebrates obscure holidays....just for fun
- thinks Dickens is hysterical even though no one agrees with her
- cries at opera, songs about growing up, and stupid commercials
- would let you dye your hair any color because she thinks it's cool
- grosses you out with all of her medical talk
Because my favorite times haven't been the boring every day "official" mom stuff, but all of the times when I've just been myself. Because that's the kind of mom I am!!!
As Ski would say, I live with disorganized organization. In general, I am NOT organized. Most people say "Six kids!! You must be super organized." That's funny. No...I am not organized. I can organize some things...but it doesn't last because my maddening hoard descends and soon chaos has ensued once again. After 18 years, I've come to realize, I will never be as organized as everyone thinks I should be.
As a homeschooling mom, people also assume I am the best teacher in the world. Ummm....probably not. I know so many women who were former educators who are incredibly creative and productive. Me? Well, there is a reason I didn't finish the education part of my degree. It's a struggle for me...most days.
If you asked my children which parent was more strict...well, I'm sure they would all point at me. They'd most likely say my favorite word was "no." Yeah....I'm no fun. Six kids = noise. It's almost constant and I never knew how much I loved quiet until they came to live in my house. I often feel like the Grinch, holding my hands to my ears exclaiming, "Noise, noise, noise..." So much of my denial comes from my deep desire for peace and quiet.
But there comes a time when I thrive on having fun and want to just have fun with my children. I don't know if it is a fear of having lived life and regretting that. Or perhaps my parental role just feels a little stifling now and then. Regardless, my deepest hope is that my kids remember this side of me more than the other.
The mom who:
- gets "coffee drunk" and howls at the moon
- dances in a field when she thinks no one is watching
- rolls down a grassy hill and then begs her kids to
- giggles with delight as we watch the crabs run along the beach in the moonlight
- talks in funny accents....in public
- eats jello with her fingers (or rather is fed jello) because we don't have spoons
- ties her licorice in a big long string and then eats it
- has an impromptu photo shoot because everyone just HAPPENED to dress alike
- sings at the top of her lungs to crazy music
- has long,deep conversations with you in the car and grocery store and suddenly says "How did we get on this subject?!?!?!"
- celebrates obscure holidays....just for fun
- thinks Dickens is hysterical even though no one agrees with her
- cries at opera, songs about growing up, and stupid commercials
- would let you dye your hair any color because she thinks it's cool
- grosses you out with all of her medical talk
Because my favorite times haven't been the boring every day "official" mom stuff, but all of the times when I've just been myself. Because that's the kind of mom I am!!!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Yes....I'm looking for some spline.
Date night....always an adventure.
Our first stop? Ikea.
We had bought a shelving unit and while putting it together, we realized there was a problem. I was attempting to attach the final leg and the screw holes did not line up. Hmmm.... maybe it was a bit warped. We tried turning it around and...nope...it was WORSE!! I picked it up and stood it on end. It wasn't warped. Whoever made that piece needs to go back to wood shop!! It bent over like a y. I should have snapped a photo. It was kind of crazy.
So there we were in Ikea. We chatted with a friend in the returns area. And then we were going to grab a bite upstairs in the cafeteria. Nope. They close at 8:30. We just missed it.
So off we drove to our favorite Japanese place. We usually go to the one in H-ville, but this one was closer. Yummmmm.....Shumai!! We were sitting there eating when I realized they were playing "Not Home Yet" by Steven Curtis Chapman. Strange.... This was followed by a more recent CCM genre song. Then...Taio Cruz and Dynamite and then some Rhianna-like song followed by some oldie from the Motown era. I think it was tuned in to the Indecisive station on Sirius.
What next? Hmmm....I wanted to check out something at Lowe's. When we arrived, we headed off to windows and doors. I was looking at the signs above the aisles, deciding in my mind which aisle to try. As we were heading down one aisle, a sales guy approached us to ask if he could help us find something. I turned to him and asked....
"Yes....where can I find some spline?"
The look on his face was incredible!! I could see the wheels turning in his head. A woman asking for spline. Does she know what it actually is?!?!?!
"Spline.... Do you mean for screens in windows?" he asked.
Now I am thinking...well, DUH!!! I was standing in windows and doors after all...
"Yes."
"It's in aisle 15."
Now, silly me...I proved that I am indeed a woman. Who knew spline came in all kinds of sizes?!?!? Well, we weren't purchasing that tonight. Oh...my aching spline!!!
Off we went to look for something else. I had a thrill finding a washable filter for my vacuum originally priced at $40 on clearance for $10. So we stood there debating...what if it isn't the right size? Should we buy it? It was the only one left...
"We could always return it if it doesn't fit." I said, thinking I was pretty sure it was the right size.
"Oh sure, you can return it," said a salesman standing nearby. "In fact, we have a 70 day return policy so you can keep it for 69 days and return it."
Dh asked him where to find the carbon monoxide detectors since ours went berserk.
"Aisle 15."
"That's our aisle for the night!!!" I laughed... Yeah!! Back to the spline!!!
On our way to aisle 15, we entered an aisle to check out a ceiling light we need to replace. This aisle was the brightest aisle I've ever been in and I saw lights after leaving it.
Ooops...we had to stop by cleaners. Ski was looking the the thinggerjigger stuff we were out of. Funny...I knew exactly what he wanted.
Soon, we were in aisle 15. Hmmm There were no fire or carbon monoxide detectors to be found. Soon we were near windows and doors again and along comes Mr. Spliney to ask once again if we need help finding something.
Ski tells him...
"Aisle 14."
I laughed and said "Off by an aisle."
I do not think Mr. Spliney thought we were amusing.
We found our detector and walked towards checkout. Oooooh......I spied fun!! They had a whiteboard display with pens attached. You could write on it for fun. Most people wrote things like I love Lowes, Lowes Rocks!, and there was one picture of a cartoon dog. I picked up a pen and wrote....
I ♥ spline!!
After Ski paid, I told him to look at what I wrote. He contributed...
Spline RULES!!!
The best thing about hanging with Ski is being fun and silly together. He doesn't think I've lost my mind. Instead...he has fun with me.
Now don't you wish your date nights were that fun?!!??!
Btw....spline is cool!!!
Our first stop? Ikea.
We had bought a shelving unit and while putting it together, we realized there was a problem. I was attempting to attach the final leg and the screw holes did not line up. Hmmm.... maybe it was a bit warped. We tried turning it around and...nope...it was WORSE!! I picked it up and stood it on end. It wasn't warped. Whoever made that piece needs to go back to wood shop!! It bent over like a y. I should have snapped a photo. It was kind of crazy.
So there we were in Ikea. We chatted with a friend in the returns area. And then we were going to grab a bite upstairs in the cafeteria. Nope. They close at 8:30. We just missed it.
So off we drove to our favorite Japanese place. We usually go to the one in H-ville, but this one was closer. Yummmmm.....Shumai!! We were sitting there eating when I realized they were playing "Not Home Yet" by Steven Curtis Chapman. Strange.... This was followed by a more recent CCM genre song. Then...Taio Cruz and Dynamite and then some Rhianna-like song followed by some oldie from the Motown era. I think it was tuned in to the Indecisive station on Sirius.
What next? Hmmm....I wanted to check out something at Lowe's. When we arrived, we headed off to windows and doors. I was looking at the signs above the aisles, deciding in my mind which aisle to try. As we were heading down one aisle, a sales guy approached us to ask if he could help us find something. I turned to him and asked....
"Yes....where can I find some spline?"
The look on his face was incredible!! I could see the wheels turning in his head. A woman asking for spline. Does she know what it actually is?!?!?!
"Spline.... Do you mean for screens in windows?" he asked.
Now I am thinking...well, DUH!!! I was standing in windows and doors after all...
"Yes."
"It's in aisle 15."
Now, silly me...I proved that I am indeed a woman. Who knew spline came in all kinds of sizes?!?!? Well, we weren't purchasing that tonight. Oh...my aching spline!!!
Off we went to look for something else. I had a thrill finding a washable filter for my vacuum originally priced at $40 on clearance for $10. So we stood there debating...what if it isn't the right size? Should we buy it? It was the only one left...
"We could always return it if it doesn't fit." I said, thinking I was pretty sure it was the right size.
"Oh sure, you can return it," said a salesman standing nearby. "In fact, we have a 70 day return policy so you can keep it for 69 days and return it."
Dh asked him where to find the carbon monoxide detectors since ours went berserk.
"Aisle 15."
"That's our aisle for the night!!!" I laughed... Yeah!! Back to the spline!!!
On our way to aisle 15, we entered an aisle to check out a ceiling light we need to replace. This aisle was the brightest aisle I've ever been in and I saw lights after leaving it.
Ooops...we had to stop by cleaners. Ski was looking the the thinggerjigger stuff we were out of. Funny...I knew exactly what he wanted.
Soon, we were in aisle 15. Hmmm There were no fire or carbon monoxide detectors to be found. Soon we were near windows and doors again and along comes Mr. Spliney to ask once again if we need help finding something.
Ski tells him...
"Aisle 14."
I laughed and said "Off by an aisle."
I do not think Mr. Spliney thought we were amusing.
We found our detector and walked towards checkout. Oooooh......I spied fun!! They had a whiteboard display with pens attached. You could write on it for fun. Most people wrote things like I love Lowes, Lowes Rocks!, and there was one picture of a cartoon dog. I picked up a pen and wrote....
I ♥ spline!!
After Ski paid, I told him to look at what I wrote. He contributed...
Spline RULES!!!
The best thing about hanging with Ski is being fun and silly together. He doesn't think I've lost my mind. Instead...he has fun with me.
Now don't you wish your date nights were that fun?!!??!
Btw....spline is cool!!!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Confessions....
I didn't want to go out today. I was soooo tired. Ski has a little cold. My middle daughter is ill. I feel almost as if any moment my body is going to break into illness. I just wanted to be home on the couch. In fact, this very minute I had something I was supposed to do, but was going to ditch it for a fun thing, but in the end I've chosen to stay home because my body isn't liking me today.
But I had to go out today. It is the day I get my allergy shot. Yeah!! Plus my family is clamoring for food. I got my shot, stopped for a coffee thanks to a blessing from a friend. And then began the errands. Uggh. If there are two things I hate they are grocery shopping and driving in traffic. I would never make a good soccer mom!!!
Ok...before we go on, there are two things you need to know.
The first thing is that over the past year or so, God has really been opening my eyes to the plight of people around me. I used to just watch the world around me and be relatively unphased. And yes, I am ashamed of that. But God has been both gently and repeatedly showing me the plight of man around me. And He's been giving me compassion and a desire to DO something. Whether it is girls in slavery in the Dominican Republic or kids at risk who need mentors. I read story after story and feel both grieved and moved. And while the first instinct is to throw money at it (which there isn't much around here to spare), I know that really isn't what these people need -- they need to see the love of Jesus!! But I often feel helpless and wonder "What can I do?" I am just a housewife and mother. I don't have lots of money to go on a mission trip. I can't give lots of money away. So that's what God has been doing...
Secondly, is my food budget. It never used to cause me as much consternation as it has recently, but with 4 teens and one who needs protein rich snacks ALL the time, it's been more trying. So I looked at my list and on top of my groceries is the cat food. Every time that comes up, I cringe. I know it's going to be a tight week. You see, the cat eats this pricey food because, well....she really does do better on it. I am so tempted to get her cheap stuff, but I know it won't work.
So...there I am. It's the week with the cat food. Uggh. So...after a few stops, I head into Aldi. I grab my cart full of stuff and once again...God has been generous to me. I am filled with gratitude....knowing the food budget is going pretty well this time. I head out to the van and start stuffing things into boxes. I am about to shut the trunk when I spot a vagrant. I walked off to put my cart away. The closer I got to my van, the more and more angry I became. I managed to get in my car without being accosted, but he stood in FRONT of my van. He wasn't obnoxious...it was more like God posting a giant arrow saying "Look here, dummy!!" I backed out and tried to get out of there as fast as I could. Down the road I sped to Walmart.
How dare he even THINK about asking me for money!! I have 8 people to feed plus one of them has food allergies, another one is hypoglycemic, and we only have one income. Every self righteous thought went through my mind. We're trying to get out of debt. I have to buy books for my kids for school. My girls are trying to find jobs and there aren't many out there and lots of people are looking. We're losing a perfectly good car JUST because it needs a catalytic converter and the stupid manufacturer put it under the axle and it is $$ to repair. Plus if I have money, shouldn't I give it to the people I KNOW who could use it? I've got friends and family alike who could use it. And of course, there are church things... Plus, you know those guys who hold signs and ask from money REALLY don't need it. Ski gave an apple to a guy downtown once and his friend told him the guy threw it away. They don't really NEED money. They just want a freebie...
In less than a mile, I was walking in the entrance to Walmart. As I yanked a cart from the row, I was flooded with conviction...
Scriptures flooded my mind. And following scriptures came all those songs from Christian radio and church....
Everyone needs compassion, Love that's never failing; Let mercy fall on me. -- Hillsong (can't find an songwriter)
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see -- Brandon Heath
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3: 12-14
How could I have compassion for those who suffer in other countries or those who suffer and "look nice," but not have compassion for this man? Hadn't God blessed me abundantly? It's so funny, well, not funny...maybe more sad... how I "forget" how much I've been blessed when a need is pulling at my heart. Wasn't I called to be compassionate to those who suffer around me? And then I wondered....what if I was the only Christian he came across...and what had I done? I ran away as fast as I could trying to pretend I did not notice. God had given me the perfect opportunity to reach out and care for those who were less fortunate than me and I had blown it. Did I really care about the suffering world around me?
And in the next moment, I felt God call me to reach out to this man. Scaaaarey!!! I was alone. And a woman!! Was it safe? But no....it was clear. God told me as if He had been standing next to me...go get him some food!! And if there's one thing I do, is when I hear that voice loud and clear like that, I obey!!
I almost turned around and went to ask him what he would like. But instead, felt I should go shop FOR him. He might not be able to tell me what he wanted. This way, I could get things and offer them all to him. So recalling that when Ski went to the soup kitchen they said they gave them high protein foods since they don't get much, I bought a number of items I thought would work -- portable, easy to eat and open without utensils. So I bought my groceries and a bag of food for this man and a sub from the subway with all the veggies.
I thought about getting gas since I was close to running out, but it was getting dark. Plus Aldi would close soon... I drove over to Aldi. I crawled through the parking lot looking for him...trying to recall what he was wearing. I was near tears when I realized he had gone. I left the parking lot and sat at the red light. It was starting to rain. Yucky...driving in traffic, in the rain at dusk... Just then, sitting at the light, I caught a glimpse of a man trudging through a parking lot. Was that him? Then I noticed the slight limp and I knew. I turned the corner and steered into the parking lot of a Hardees and cornered him. I rolled down my window.
I explained that I was a Christian and that I had seen him at Aldi and that I don't give out money, but I felt God tell me to buy him some food. I showed him what I bought. I told him I had the sandwich made just for him. He didn't want a few things, but when he saw the milk....wow was he excited. I wished I had bought a larger container!! And I looked into his eyes. And while he didn't say thank you, I could tell he was excited and I think grateful even though he was disappointed I did not give him money. I am not sure he was coherent enough to say thank you. But in the silence where neither of us knew quite what to say, I think I saw the eyes of Christ. There in the face of a man that people rush away from and try to pretend they do not see. I handed it all in a bag to him and drove away.
And as I drove away, I burst into tears as I remembered these verses ....
I want my life to reflect these passages rather than the verses following like it did today. Sad to say, it's an every day fight.
But I had to go out today. It is the day I get my allergy shot. Yeah!! Plus my family is clamoring for food. I got my shot, stopped for a coffee thanks to a blessing from a friend. And then began the errands. Uggh. If there are two things I hate they are grocery shopping and driving in traffic. I would never make a good soccer mom!!!
Ok...before we go on, there are two things you need to know.
The first thing is that over the past year or so, God has really been opening my eyes to the plight of people around me. I used to just watch the world around me and be relatively unphased. And yes, I am ashamed of that. But God has been both gently and repeatedly showing me the plight of man around me. And He's been giving me compassion and a desire to DO something. Whether it is girls in slavery in the Dominican Republic or kids at risk who need mentors. I read story after story and feel both grieved and moved. And while the first instinct is to throw money at it (which there isn't much around here to spare), I know that really isn't what these people need -- they need to see the love of Jesus!! But I often feel helpless and wonder "What can I do?" I am just a housewife and mother. I don't have lots of money to go on a mission trip. I can't give lots of money away. So that's what God has been doing...
Secondly, is my food budget. It never used to cause me as much consternation as it has recently, but with 4 teens and one who needs protein rich snacks ALL the time, it's been more trying. So I looked at my list and on top of my groceries is the cat food. Every time that comes up, I cringe. I know it's going to be a tight week. You see, the cat eats this pricey food because, well....she really does do better on it. I am so tempted to get her cheap stuff, but I know it won't work.
So...there I am. It's the week with the cat food. Uggh. So...after a few stops, I head into Aldi. I grab my cart full of stuff and once again...God has been generous to me. I am filled with gratitude....knowing the food budget is going pretty well this time. I head out to the van and start stuffing things into boxes. I am about to shut the trunk when I spot a vagrant. I walked off to put my cart away. The closer I got to my van, the more and more angry I became. I managed to get in my car without being accosted, but he stood in FRONT of my van. He wasn't obnoxious...it was more like God posting a giant arrow saying "Look here, dummy!!" I backed out and tried to get out of there as fast as I could. Down the road I sped to Walmart.
How dare he even THINK about asking me for money!! I have 8 people to feed plus one of them has food allergies, another one is hypoglycemic, and we only have one income. Every self righteous thought went through my mind. We're trying to get out of debt. I have to buy books for my kids for school. My girls are trying to find jobs and there aren't many out there and lots of people are looking. We're losing a perfectly good car JUST because it needs a catalytic converter and the stupid manufacturer put it under the axle and it is $$ to repair. Plus if I have money, shouldn't I give it to the people I KNOW who could use it? I've got friends and family alike who could use it. And of course, there are church things... Plus, you know those guys who hold signs and ask from money REALLY don't need it. Ski gave an apple to a guy downtown once and his friend told him the guy threw it away. They don't really NEED money. They just want a freebie...
In less than a mile, I was walking in the entrance to Walmart. As I yanked a cart from the row, I was flooded with conviction...
Scriptures flooded my mind. And following scriptures came all those songs from Christian radio and church....
Everyone needs compassion, Love that's never failing; Let mercy fall on me. -- Hillsong (can't find an songwriter)
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see -- Brandon Heath
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3: 12-14
How could I have compassion for those who suffer in other countries or those who suffer and "look nice," but not have compassion for this man? Hadn't God blessed me abundantly? It's so funny, well, not funny...maybe more sad... how I "forget" how much I've been blessed when a need is pulling at my heart. Wasn't I called to be compassionate to those who suffer around me? And then I wondered....what if I was the only Christian he came across...and what had I done? I ran away as fast as I could trying to pretend I did not notice. God had given me the perfect opportunity to reach out and care for those who were less fortunate than me and I had blown it. Did I really care about the suffering world around me?
And in the next moment, I felt God call me to reach out to this man. Scaaaarey!!! I was alone. And a woman!! Was it safe? But no....it was clear. God told me as if He had been standing next to me...go get him some food!! And if there's one thing I do, is when I hear that voice loud and clear like that, I obey!!
I almost turned around and went to ask him what he would like. But instead, felt I should go shop FOR him. He might not be able to tell me what he wanted. This way, I could get things and offer them all to him. So recalling that when Ski went to the soup kitchen they said they gave them high protein foods since they don't get much, I bought a number of items I thought would work -- portable, easy to eat and open without utensils. So I bought my groceries and a bag of food for this man and a sub from the subway with all the veggies.
I thought about getting gas since I was close to running out, but it was getting dark. Plus Aldi would close soon... I drove over to Aldi. I crawled through the parking lot looking for him...trying to recall what he was wearing. I was near tears when I realized he had gone. I left the parking lot and sat at the red light. It was starting to rain. Yucky...driving in traffic, in the rain at dusk... Just then, sitting at the light, I caught a glimpse of a man trudging through a parking lot. Was that him? Then I noticed the slight limp and I knew. I turned the corner and steered into the parking lot of a Hardees and cornered him. I rolled down my window.
I explained that I was a Christian and that I had seen him at Aldi and that I don't give out money, but I felt God tell me to buy him some food. I showed him what I bought. I told him I had the sandwich made just for him. He didn't want a few things, but when he saw the milk....wow was he excited. I wished I had bought a larger container!! And I looked into his eyes. And while he didn't say thank you, I could tell he was excited and I think grateful even though he was disappointed I did not give him money. I am not sure he was coherent enough to say thank you. But in the silence where neither of us knew quite what to say, I think I saw the eyes of Christ. There in the face of a man that people rush away from and try to pretend they do not see. I handed it all in a bag to him and drove away.
And as I drove away, I burst into tears as I remembered these verses ....
‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ Matthew 25: 34-40
I want my life to reflect these passages rather than the verses following like it did today. Sad to say, it's an every day fight.
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